You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
