So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
