sarcasm needs its own font
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
