i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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