i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
