Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Everclear isn't food dammit
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