yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
