Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
