Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
