My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
