I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
