i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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