Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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