i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
