That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
pop tarts are not kleenex
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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