I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
two words...techno handjob
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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