Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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