Non-Jews are for practice
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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