Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
