oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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