I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
