Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
