I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
