Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
