Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
