How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
