They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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