My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
