You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
