She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize