i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
