Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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