you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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