a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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