Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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