I need help removing her.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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