i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
