It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
