She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
