My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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