don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Randomize
