only if we run a train.
done.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
