Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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