I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
