I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize