i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
