We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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