Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
