you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This baby is an asshole
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
