I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
