The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize