we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
