I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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