The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
