Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
