shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
