I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
