I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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