Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
