my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
