Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
