there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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