I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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