Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
