walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
