i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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